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The Sassy Sandpiper: Avoid the Rush!

Sassy Sandpiper | M.R. Wilson | Columns

By M.R. WILSON, TB Reporter

Make your New Year’s Resolution(s) NOW!

Since Black Friday starts mid-afternoon Thanksgiving Day, why not? How gratifying to see one of my Facebook friends declare hers, something like: “My New Year’s Resolution is to avoid men like this.” He must have been exceptionally vile, as the image was “not available.”

It makes sense, doesn’t it, to make vows and promises to your 2017 self as you’ve gobbled ’til you wobbled? “I resolve to eat in a more balanced way.”

A good thing about making New Year’s Resolutions early is that you can do it on the sly and try a few out. If they’re broken within a few hours—no harm, no foul. There’s plenty of time to figure out which resolutions are right for you.

There is even help online. Seriously. I would not make this up. Trouble sticking to your resolutions?

If you can’t think of any good resolutions, go here for 10 suggestions: On this list is “Stop Twerking.” Again, I would not make this up.

Here are a few early resolutions I’ve made:

  1. Never shop on Black Friday.
  2. Make Christmas less hectic than Thanksgiving.
  3. Watch fewer violent “action” movies and more “children’s films” like Disney’s The BFG, directed by Steven Spielberg and based on the story by Roald Dahl. (
  4. Eat real, i.e., unprocessed, food.
  5. Spend more time outdoors.

Pets provide great inspiration for New Year’s Resolutions. From dogs, you can resolve to forget what you were going to do and nap instead; be nice to nice humans; sniff things that look interesting. Cats are more subtle muses, as they sleep up to 18 hours a day, roam the neighborhood at night and leave presents of dead birds on the porch.

I thought I might as well get a head start on planning my New Year’s Eve festivities, too. It’s never too early to plan what I’m not going to do. But maybe this year I’ll borrow from several traditions:

“With the Chinese New Year there are dragons, parades, firecrackers. With New Years in America there are big parties, the ball drops in Times Square, you get drunk, tell someone you love them, and throw up on their shoes. With the Jewish New Year, we fast, we can’t turn on the lights, we confess our sins. Happy New Year. What a party. A bunch of guilty hungry people sitting in the dark.” —Billy Crystal

If you are a stickler for tradition and make your New Year’s Resolutions over a glass of bubbly at 12:01 a.m. on Jan. 1, I guess that’s okay, but beware: Because you procrastinated, your resolution may already be taken. Don’t let this happen to you or anyone you care about! Make New Year’s Resolution now!

Sassy Sandpiper | M.R. Wilson | Holidays | New Year’s | New Year’s Resolutions | TB Reporter

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The Sassy Sandpiper: Avoid the Rush!
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The Sassy Sandpiper: Avoid the Rush!
Make your New Year’s Resolution(s) NOW!
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TB Reporter
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